THE WEDDING - part III

We’re home! The kids were still up and active and were so excited to see us. My husband was also really thrilled to tell his stories to his mom. As for me, I was really tired already and just wanted to lay down and sleep. We got ourselves ready for bed and laid down to put my tired eyes to rest.

 

As I lay down, I had a hard time catching up on some snooze. The experience was still fresh in my head and I was so hung up on the idea that I never had a wedding worth bragging… You must wonder now why I was so fixated with the idea. You’d understand how I feel after you read the next statements telling you how what my wedding was like.

 

Brian and I had a simple home wedding in the province of Rizal. It was in his granny’s late sister’s house. We were, that time, already expecting our firstborn. I never wore a beautiful white dress… I only wore a white preggy blouse we picked up a week before at the mall and my then-favorite preggy pants. My husband looked tidy in his white shirt and semi-formal pants. I never had a make-up artist. I was the one who put my own make up on. I did my own hair too. It was nothing big… I never did that special bridal walk down the aisle because there was no aisle to walk on in the first place… On my way to the ceremony, I rode in our family van, together with everyone in my family. I was never delivered by that beautiful, white, vintage bridal car. I never had flower girls nor ring bearers. I never had bridesmaids and groomsmen. We never had a big entourage. We only had two pairs of sponsors, not like the others who had a handful. And since it was a very small event, the invited guests were also really just few. Only my immediate family were present, no one from my close friends were there to celebrate the union with me. Most of the visitors were from my husband’s side. The food, which was served at the dining area just beside the living area where we were being married, was home cooked by my husband’s mom and aunts. The living area, where the ceremony was held, was designed by them as well. The pastor who presided the union was my husband’s granny’s late sister’s late husband (hope you got that or hope I got that.) Everything was small since the ceremony was rushed. Everything was not grand. At that time, that was what we could afford … We just wanted to get married for the sake of marrying each other and because we really wanted to legalize everything before the baby got out…

 

Whenever I think of my wedding, I sometimes feel sad, not because I resent being married, but the way I got married. Whenever we attend wedding ceremonies, I always end up creating my own dream marriage ceremony. With two kids, I still picture myself wearing my envious satin wedding gown which is crisp white with a sweetheart cut beaded bodice and princess-like ball gown with black floral lace details. There’s also a black satin sash tied on my waist. I hold in my hands a bouquet of deep red and white roses. My hair is loosely curled and worn down. My make-up is gonna be fresh, clean and natural looking. As for my husband, he patiently waits for me at the altar, looking dreamy in black tux, hair neatly fixed. My flower girls, including my daughter, will be wearing their cute different styled black and white gowns which matches the bridesmaids’ gowns… My bible bearer, who is my son, and my coin and ring bearers would all look dapper in their little tux and bowtie like those worn by my husband’s groomsmen. The black, white and deep red motif would be seen from the gowns, the décor, everything! I would be celebrating the ceremony as the sun rises to symbolize a new beginning and everything would be done by the beach for a very lovely, backdrop… I would still experience that “Aw” moment as my wedding march plays, Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk, and my dad, mom and I walk down the aisle. Everything’s gonna be in slow motion as I walk down the aisle. Just like those wedding scenes in the movies. Everyone, I bet, would be teary-eyed as they listen to our heartfelt vows. They would enjoy the delectable food served at their tables. And this time around, when we have that dream wedding, every close relative and friend would be invited.

 

But of course, just like every dream, you wake up back to reality. Then I wonder, would everything be different had I had my dream wedding?

 

Then God would remind me of a realization. Getting married, of course, is a very, very special step every serious couple will take. It is a big chapter of a couple’s lives. But then again, what’s the most important part of it all?

 

To  me, the most important part of the wedding for a woman, same goes for a man, is that special woman walking down that aisle or special man waiting for you at the altar. That woman or man must be the same person they always dreamt of having to spend their lifetime.

 

As for me, I might not have that grand wedding everyone wish could have. But, I am lucky! At a very young age, I was able to find that person, Brian. Though I never had that dreamlike ceremony, I bet everyone’s still envious because I ended up with the man of my dreams and now I am sharing my forever with him. And I know one day, even if we’re already old, we would celebrate our renewal of our vows the way I had always dreamt it would be.

 

For now, I have to settle with the experience of my wedding and be happy and thankful for being blessed that I am with the same man I almost lost to someone… Ooooppsss! Now that’s a different story worth telling later, or NOT… ;-)

THE WEDDING - part II

The wedding was about to begin. We were asked to take our seats. The lights were dimmed and the spotlight focused on the entrance. One by one, the entourage walked in, from the flower girls to the principal sponsors  to the bridesmaids, who all look good in their royal blue gowns. Then, the “special song” played… The bride entered with a big smile on her face showing how very happy and special she felt that day. She was glowing in her pretty white gown. The Royal Blue bouquet of roses she was holding in her hands stood out as well. The scene was breathtaking. As we watch her walk down the aisle towards the groom at the altar, everything became a blur and was in slow motion. It was like a movie. Some were teary eyed. Some had wide smiles on their faces. Some were just sleepy and just wanted to get through the event awake… Oh that was just me!!! :P

 

The ceremony started… They were prayed over by the presiding pastor. Next, they gave their own vows to each other. As I sat down and listened to their very emotional speeches, I tried my best not to tear up too because I was actually imagining myself giving that vow to my husband, which always happens every time we attend a wedding.

 

After the ceremony, the program started together with the reception. The couple had photo sessions with the entourage and their sponsors. Then each group of guests per table had a chance to have a picture with the couple also. Everyone enjoyed the games played while eating the scrumptious dinner served. I enjoyed the pesto pasta and the plate of different fruits. J The wedding was almost done. My husband was called to give his wishes to his best bud and his wife. After that, Brian and I had our pictures taken at the photo booth and then we had one together with his band mate too. After that, the ceremony was over. We sent our wishes to the groom and the bride and bade them farewell…

 

At this time, both of us were really, really tired. We headed home.

THE WEDDING - part I

A couple of weeks ago, Brian and I attended the wedding of one of his best buddies since he was a kid. Though it was a very rainy afternoon, and without that much sleep (it was after work), we still went to the event. I struggled with what I would wear, which is one of the things I hate when attending a formal event. Being the tomboy I am, I never owned a decent dress since I am not a big fan of one. So off we went to our friendly neighborhood mall and we ran through the homeware department to grab the best wedding gift we could find and as soon as we had it wrapped, my husband left me at the mall to have his hair cut and I ran towards the ladies’ section of the department store and looked through all of the racks of the cheap but classy RTW dress that I could find. I tried on a couple of ‘em and luckily, I found one that, I think, was OK for the event and within my budget. We went home and prepared for the event, (by this, I meant took a quick shower and bathed my “grabbed-just-now” dress with my “now-favorite” perfume courtesy of my husband from his “out-of-the-country” assignment, GUESS GOLD. So much for the “noun-turned-adjective” words! Blame it on my past life, a language trainer… That’s a different story though…)  After the “extensive” preparation, Brian and I rushed to the place of the ceremony.

 

Anyway, we got there on time despite the heavy rains. (It must be marriage filled with a lot of blessings because of the heavy rains based on a belief of my granny. She once told me that if it rains on  a celebration, your birthday, wedding or dedication of your baby, the person(s) who are celebrating will be very blessed. Unless that’s really true or maybe they just invented that idea for them not be pooped by the idea that their celebration was ruined by the rains… :-P) Whew, long segue!!! J J J Going back to my story, I didn’t know anyone there, except from my husband, of course, the bride and the groom, and the other guest, who was their former band mate, plus his girlfriend, whom I just met there as well.

 

Outside the reception/ceremony area, there was a photo booth just being setup. People, dressed in their very elegant clothes, would be seen everywhere, with their cameras and taking pictures and doing their stuff… J As for me, being the quiet (realistically, “supladita”) person I am, I sat on the couch and tried my best to keep myself awake as I “patiently” waited for us to be led inside. A few minutes more and we were told that we could now enter the room. Once we went in, we saw the room that was quaintly arranged and was softly lit… The tables were arranged according to the bride’s favorite writers, novelists, authors, or whatever you call them (I assume that it’s the bride’s choice to set the tables that way. Since the groom was a best friend of my husband, they must share their “interest” in reading, which means NONE. As for me? I am not a big fan of reading books, though from time to time I DO read… calling out BOB ONG, PUGAD BABOY and JESSICA ZAFRA fans!!! :D). My husband and I were assigned to be seated at the “Nicholas Sparks” table. My husband, the not-so-big fan of books, not even our textbooks in high school, asked me, “Sino ba si Nicholas Sparks?!” Good thing I know some Nicholas Sparks because of the books “The Notebook,” “The Wedding,” “Message in a Bottle,” “A Walk to Remember,” “Nights in Rodanthe,” and “Dear John.” (Obviously, the ones that I read were the ones that were turned into silverscreen adaptations except for “The Wedding” which is a sequel of the book “The Notebook” just a trivia!!!)

 

To be continued…

SELFISHNESS 101

I was again at my worse when I started looking for interesting things to read over the internet... while going through some topics, i spotted this one list of tips on how to overcome a selfish relationship... so i started reading it and thought of stuff to share to everyone. but then i thought, if there were hundreds, if not, thousands of tips on how to have the most perfect relationship with your significant other, there must be tips on how to ruin a successful relationship as well or something like that... and so my topic for tonight's blog was born: HOW TO BE SELFISH IN A RELATIONSHIP?

first, let us define what is selfishness? According to http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfishness, selfishness is defined as being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others or arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others. 

now, how does selfishness affect a relationship? with all the fights that i had with Brian, if you would look and analyze it, all of them started with selfishness. either one was too focused with oneself and gratifying his or my need above everything else. sometimes, it involves pleasing ones desires over the other. but what i could say the most common issue would be, one was too focused on being right, no matter how much it hurts the other whatever the cost may be.

one could not have a smooth marriage, long-lasting friendship or an ideal relationship if selfishness exists within. take note that selfishness would immediately ruin your feelings of love, adoration or affection and nothing good ever comes from being selfish. it is a guarantee that you're headed to a path of loneliness, misery and despair if you'd ever want to become SELFISH towards your significant other.

now that I've provided you with all of the warnings that I could offer, let's now proceed to the main point of my blog: HOW CAN YOU APPLY SELFISHNESS INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

remember, selfishness focuses only on one's self and does not add the value to others. for example, your significant other has had trouble with sleeping for a very long time and sleep is a necessity and a great task for him/her to accomplish. then, for the first time in weeks, you see him/her sleeping soundly and peacefully but your miserable self can't somehow manage to do the same thing. how, then, will you apply SELFISHNESS in this situation? simple! start throwing stuff around and bang things on the floor, wall, or even the ceiling just to get his/her attention. if he/she wakes up and asks why you are doing that, simply yell at him/her, "i can't sleep!!!" great! for sure you've successfully achieved being an @$$|-|ö£ê. kudos to you!

another thing to take note about selfishness is that if you wanna be selfish towards him/her, you'd want to focus the services towards you and not the other way around. let's say both of you came of from work and nothing's prepared for dinner yet. you check the fridge only to find out a ruined bottle of milk, a spoiled box of cheese and a dead fly on top of a rotten tomato (sorry for ruining your appetite). what to do? ask the other to go to the market, buy food, cook it and serve it to you. after that, you eat and leave all of the dishes for him/her to finish. again, great job!!! definitely, you're starting to get a hang of it.

want more? okay...

when a person is selfish, one must remember that selfishness doesn't mind the consequences of his/her behavior. if you're angry, let it out... say mean stuff, do crazy things, curse, yell and don't mind whether the kids' eyes on you or worse take it out on them... just think, "hey, this is me and i don't care what you feel or think. as long as i could do what i want whenever i want, that's fine. if you can't accept me and my behavior, you could go two ways, stay with me and learn to accept and adjust with my qualities or feel free to leave." like what Beyoncè said on her song, "IRREPLACEABLE", ♫♪ I could have another you in a minute. Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute.♪♫ not only were you successful in determining the who's who in the relationship, aside from the fact that you were able to ruin his/her ego, you are also headed towards the path of destroying a wonderful union... all because you wanted to focus the spotlight on you and forgot that there's another person.

lastly, when being selfish in a relationship, if you come across a major hurdle or obstacle in your relationship, you leave and forget about him/her. it's the one foremost step of every selfish person could do to mess up your "what-you-thought-to-be-neverending bond." let's say one of you has started a career and was on your way to becoming successful whilst the other was beginning to feel miserable because he/she felt she was left out and his/her insecurities were slowly showing up, what do you do? leave him/her behind, find a better one to replace him/her and live your dream. doesn't matter if that person you left out has been with you for a very long time and right now, he/she might be needing your moral support all the more? if he/she doesn't fit in your perfect little world, scrap him/her and find a better model.

keep in mind how an egocentric human being thinks. a self-centered individual thinks this way, "WHAT WOULD I GET FROM YOU AND HOW VALUABLE COULD YOU BE TO ME?" instead of thinking, "HOW CAN I BE OF HELP/SERVICE TO YOU?"

on that note, i leave you this question, of the two questions i gave on my previous statement, which one is yours?  

The Joys of Motherhood

It’s half past 11 pm and I am, again, on a conquest of finding a way to put these tired eyes to sleep… I was searching (yep! You read that right!!!), yet again, over the internet for articles that I could read. And since I started my blog with a topic related to marriage, why not make one that is also closely connected to marriage... PARENTHOOD.

I’m happy and very proud to let you know that I am a mother of two lovely, super energetic and over inquisitive kids… My eldest, David Alexander, the independent “kuya”, is 6 years old and is now in Preparatory level. My youngest, the family’s little princess, is a lovely 3-year old girl, Mikaela Abigail.

I gave birth to Dave at a young age… I was turning 23 when I had him… I was at the prime of my youth and while others, who were the same age as I am, were enjoying their lives as a young professional in a big corporate world, there I was slowly building a career as a mother… My office was our home and my job was to be a doting mom to Dave.

 I would admit, at first I enjoyed the experience. Seeing his first smile, teaching him his first step and hearing the first time he called me “Mama”, those small stuff brought me to tears as I saw my young one develop and grow right in front of my eyes…

But, like any mother, I also came to a point where I felt lost… Especially, when I get in touch with my friends who are having fun outside of the country, achieving their dreams and getting to do all of the adventures I thought I would have at that time… But, being me, I let it pass and before you know it, here I am, taking care of two kids… At some point, I thought that I would end up like one of those women who chose to be a stay-at-home moms, some living a life of routines, while others live a life of regret and thinking of their “what ifs”… (Now now… Before you condemn me and tell me of my unfair judgment towards stay-at-home mothers, mind you, I was one also, and there is NOTHING wrong with being a mom who stays at home… My mother was a career woman who chose to let go of her dreams and decided to take care of her 4 children. I am proud of her and envious of other mothers' courage to let themselves go and build a career out of motherhood. The only reason why I mentioned the phrases “routine life” and “life filled with regrets” is because these were what I felt when I was a “just” a mother, and nothing else…)

But I realized that out of the cycles and the daily routines, out of the trips to their pedia, out of the numerous times that I had to break up a fight between them two, and how heartbreaking it is when you have to tell them to “go face the wall” and hear them sob and cry and sometimes despise me because of the punishment they get, I learned to appreciate every bits and pieces of experiences that I was able to gather when I became a parent… Each lesson that I learned from my mother, every advice that she taught me, every small reminder that she used to tell me, I am now parting to my own little ones… The discipline and strict character of my dad, I am now able to use it to my kids as well. It is true they say that you would never learn to genuinely appreciate your parents, unless you become a parent yourself.

I learned that it’s not the gifts that I receive during Mother’s Day nor on my own birthday that brings joy to me as a parent… It is when my kids call out to me and ask for my help, when they give me a bear hug in public, when they play with me and have a great laugh with me, when they give me a butterfly kiss as I am about to go to work or when they tell me “I love you Mama” over the phone, these are my simple joys as a mother and I would continue to enjoy them as long as they need me because I know time will come, these small stuff would be gone and I would miss them once my own kids have a life of their own… But for now, I am their mom and I would be here for them, until the last day of my life…

Choosing the Right Man to Marry

Out of boredom, and being burned out from all of the reporting stuff that I had to do today (plus those dizzying lines of the spreadsheet that I have been staring at for the past 4 or 5 hours already and the finger/hand-cramping keyboard commands "CTRL+C" and "CTRL+V"), I got this curiosity to research about the topic of “How to choose the Right Man to Marry?” 

Now, before you jump into any conclusions, I am not regretting the man I'm married to. I am lucky to have been with the same guy for the past… Hmmm… Let’s not give out the numbers anymore because I know you would be calculating how old I am which would go beyond my topic... (and it's just rude to ask or know how old a woman is... it's like asking how much she weighs!) It's just that the topic popped into my head and I was a bit curious if there's anyone else looking for the same matter... and not surprisingly, there were a lot of people who thought of the same thing... Well, going back, after typing the subject in the search bar, I was surprised to see hundreds of results to answer my question… 

This one particular link that I laid my eyes onto got me reading.  “How to Choose the Right Man to Marry?”at eHow.com. According to the article, “Choosing the right man to marry can be challenging currently, when people seem to marry just for the sake of being married so they are not alone.” This one I could very much agree to. Getting married out of fear of solitude is NOT, and SHOULD NOT be the main reason for getting married. When you marry someone, it should be with the one whom you are most compatible with and of course one whom you are madly in love with, and vice versa. 

Oftentimes, especially with people who are getting old and desperate (so sorry for the term), people get into marriage without even thinking of the consequences of their actions.  Marriage is a sacred covenant that should be consummated by two consenting individuals who are willing to spend their eternity together. To simplify the explanation, marriage should be between a man and a woman who are, not just into each other, but for and with each other... Did I make any sense??? Guess not... Hahaha!!! Oh well! What the heck... 

Going back, nowadays, and maybe one of the reasons also why divorce, annulment or separation is rampant, some couples get married out of fear of being alone, out of pregnancy, and worst, just because of the presents, which I really find very, very, VERY STUPID… If you wanted presents, why not celebrate CHRISTMAS or your BIRTHDAY every day?! Why marry?! Geez!

 

Now I am not one to say what should your reason or reasons should be before entering marriage, and just to state to you, my readers (holler if there’s anyone out there!!!), I am neither subject matter expert. I’m just talking out of experience. And all that I would share with you are based on my the life’s lessons that I was able to gather all throughout the entire years of my being married with Brian, MY perfect man…

 

Below you’ll find the steps in finding the perfect man based on the article that I had just mentioned.

1.       Finding the perfect man is never an easy task and never goes according to any plan that one may develop in her head. The first step to finding the perfect man for you is figuring out exactly what you want and begin to acquire those qualities. 

2.       Becoming what you wish to attract is always the best course of action in attracting the right man to choose for marriage. If you want a trustworthy man, you must become a trustworthy woman; if you want a caring man, then you need to become a caring woman. This simple technique will help you attract the right type of man to you, and then choosing the right man is easy.

3.       Rushing into a relationship never works. Take your time and develop a strong friendship first before heading to the next level. Building a strong friendship allows the two of you to gain the trust and open communication, which is vital to a healthy relationship.

4.       Relaxing and taking the time to get to know a man inside and out is a great way to determine if he is the right one to choose for marriage. Do not try to hurry love, as the song says; go leisurely, always take your time, and if the relationship does not seem right on the mark, back off.

5.       Settling for a mediocre relationship is never good, so do not settle for it. Speak up if there is something huge that irks you. You deserve a man who will make you feel great, emotionally, sexually and in all the ways, which are important in a relationship. Men who begin belittling you or controlling in the early stages of the relationship will only do it more as time passes.

 

Main point is to never marry unless you are ready and  you’re 100% sure that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with the same person.

 

To close this article, I’d like to leave all of you one question. This is the question that my husband asked himself before we got married. Which is also the same question that each guy, and girl, for that matter, should ask themselves if they are seriously considering marriage. If you could see yourself sleeping with and waking up with the same person for the next 50 years or so, and spend almost 24 hours of the day with him/her and still feel the same way you felt the very first time you got together with him/her, then you could consider getting married with him/her. (too many him's or her's, but you got the idea right?!)

for the first time

for the first time, i gave in to the persuasion of one of my colleagues, and friend, also my badminton buddy, AYSA, into making my own blog to air out anything and everything that's running through my mind...

i'm new at this kind of fad so please be more patient and understanding when reading through my posts. 


as a person who likes to keep a journal with me at all times (which my husband totally disagrees with), i am fond of writing stuff... be it a simple argument with Brian (yep! that's his name... but most of the time, I call 'im "be" or "da") ;-) or to the more complicated stuff like those times when stupid questions comes rushing through my brain and i try to complicate it even more by over-analyzing every bits and turns and ups and downs of how to answer or work out a solution to what started or ought to be just a simple dilemma... i could delve into more serious stuff like tips or advice about relationships, the how-to's of being a mom, or my exploits as a simple human being in this wide, wide world... you'd most likely see some recipes and steps on how to cook my favorite dishes... and as i think of topics that i could be writing or let's just say talking of, the list keeps on getting longer and longer.

so, without further ado, i give you MS. MELANCHOLIC PROCRASTINATOR... 


have fun reading my thoughts!!!