Early in life, I have learned that life does not play fair. As an eldest child, I have learned that I should always set aside my preferences, my desires, my needs and my wants in priority of my younger siblings. This I had done to the extent of feeding them the only food that I am left with. And, now that I am all grown up, I’m still doing the same thing, this time for my own family. I’ve no issues with that. I’m happy that they think of me as not being selfish and always putting them first. That’s my thing! Like what I always say, “That’s how I roll…”
But, there are disadvantages to being overly giving and generous. The unfulfilled personal desires top all of these cons. Since most of them knew that my usual response would be, “it’s okay,” everyone now thinks that it’s just nothing if they bypass my desires and my feelings. And I can’t blame them. I trained them to think that way. You see, I am not the type of person who would create a hassle on someone else’s plans just because I want things done my way. I, fortunately, was trained to be always giving of others. That generosity has its perks and openhandedness is a trait not everyone is capable of practicing. So yeah, you can say I am well-heeled because of this attribute. But again, I am not here to boast of this personal characteristic. Rather, I am here to mention the cons of generosity.
As what I have mentioned earlier, the topmost drawback of being too unsparing is that your personal goals and desires are always put to halt, worse set aside or forgotten. We, the bighearted ones, are so afraid to be called self-important, that even if it hurts us to put off ourselves on a lower priority, we would endure that pain just to see their happiness fulfilled at your own expense.
Now, now, this is neither a discussion, nor a 101 class for SELF-CENTEREDNESS. I am 100% against EGOCENTRICITY!!! That’s a pet-peeve on people, especially those who are very much capable. I don’t even want to inculcate that philosophy to my David and Abby, my two lovely kids. I want them, and of course every parent does, to learn the importance of SHARING. I am just doing this for the benefit of acknowledging the sting when your personal wishes are not granted. But, even though I am a sensitive woman and I easily cry over silly stuff, ironically, I am a very strong person too. Yeah, two opposite sides that is completely 180 degrees in comparison of both. If I easily get hurt, even with small things, but I bounce back effortlessly and understand that one should learn to make do with what their handed with. Be it a decision made poorly at my own happiness’ expense or as simple as a movie that I would like to watch, but can’t because nobody has the time to spend with you, worse because you just don’t have the money to spend on yourself. As a married woman and a mother, I believe that your husband’s and your children’s contentment should be your utmost main concern. That, it shouldn’t
be an issue if they ignore your preferences because at the end of the
day, they would not remember what they did for you, but they would
always put in their hearts your willingness to set aside your life in exchange of theirs.
After all, you are their mom. You are their go-to person when they are sad. They run to you if they’re scared of the monsters under their bed or behind their closet and if they made that 3-point shot while playing NBA2K13 at their Xbox. They look for you when they come home from school and talk to you about how cheerful their day was. They expect you to hold their hands when they have that “just-one-of-those-days” moment. And,
even if you were already up for 24 hours straight, they still expect
you to prepare food for them when they are hungry or help them with
their homework. Your availability is their happiness. Every kid does appreciate an “always present” mother.
But, I am just not the mother of my kids. I am also the wife to my husband. I am expected to submit to whatever his decision is. Going along with what his plans are is what I am anticipated of. Even if you have voiced out what your desires are, at the end of the day, it is not what you want that is and will be executed, but his. It’s not your job to make decisions for the whole family. It’s his. Me? I am JUST a wife and is assumed to go along with his desires, his needs and his wants. It is really tough to fulfill that wife of noble character that Solomon is speaking of. But I am here, not prove that I can be that, but to simply fulfill my duties as that of the Noble Wife. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, maybe it’s about time to open up that dusty book on your bookshelf… On its front is written “THE HOLY BIBLE”. Open it up to the book of Proverbs 31:10-31. If you don’t know how to get there, check out the book’s table of contents. Every book has that. )
But still, it wouldn’t hurt if they would be giving your plans some thought and see that what you are expecting from them is valuable too. It’s hard when nobody else understands what you like and goes along with it and those people who do, don’t have a say in what should or shouldn’t be done and they are not capable of changing your status.
In my children’s one of all-time favorite movies said, "Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
I would keep moving forward towards our goal, no matter how hurtful the road is… I understand that when a path towards a goal is straight, of course it’s easier to achieve it but compare it to a path that is filled with obstacles, the road to your goal may be challenging, but once you reach the end of the line, the victory will be a lot sweeter and all of the sacrifices you did, will be exchanged with the gratifying taste of utter glory.
